The words, the ideas
exploding in my brain like popcorn
as easy to get on paper
as a toddler's chocolatey fingers get on mama's white dress
The words, the ideas
they keep coming
and
coming
Shh...don't talk to me
I'm in the zone.
Actually, I can't hear you.
But I say "uh-huh" (Translation: yes) to every question you ask me.
You should know better than to ask me if I'm okay with you buying a new car when I'm
pounding
pecking
the square black keyes
or
staring at the ceiling
mouth hanging open
doing acrobats with words
in my head
or
reading aloud strings of words dressed in
Times New Roman 12pt, black
Deleting
deleting
adding
adding
rereading
placing a comma
there,
that's better
Shit!
It's 6:00 already?
Ugh, I have to make dinner.
There you go again with your questions.
Just because I'm chopping green onions
doesn't mean I can hear you.
I slice the ripest red tomato.
Aha! He will give her the necklace in a bright red velvet pouch.
Or maybe she'll "discover" it between the pages fo her favorite novel.
Oh, I know...
**Author's note: It's been a while since I've written. I miss those energy filled days and hope to get back into the zone again.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
In Search of "The Bike"
It's time I get a bike. A bike with a basket. Maybe even a bell. It need not go fast or have 10 gears. If it gets me from point A to point B in one piece and has some sort of "storage" (sprinked with a bit of nostalgia) I am good to go.
My 8 year old gal and I intend to ride to the library, to the ice cream shop (maybe I should spell it "shoppe"), and to the pool.
I desperately want a "vintage" style Schwinn. The one above is actually the 2010 Schwinn Debutante (how cute is it!!?) but is more than I want to pay. So...I am rearching Craigslist and eBay.
Schwinn makes bikes for Target that are far cheaper...but that's how they ride. I know this because today I rode one up and down the aisles of Target, mortifying my daughter as I chipperly said "excuse me" to people who were in my way.
What I want even more than than a Schwinn, but I'll never get because it is obnoxiously expensive is the Madsen cargo bike . Holy coolness! Forget taking the car to the grocery store. I could so see myself spending my summer on one of those bikes. But let's be honest, this bike would fare much better in a small ocean-side village. A trip to the beach and then to the market to grab fresh fish and veggies to grill for dinner. Ahh...would that not be the perfect summer life. Maybe some day.
For now, I am on a mission for a sturdy vintage Schwinn with a basket that I can ride to the ice cream shoppe.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Am I Losing My Religion?
The wave of guilt hit again.
Sunday.
White dresses.
Family gatherings.
For the past two weeks it seems like every second grader in our community was celebrating her first communion.
Not my daughter.
Concerning religion, I’ve been a lazy mom.
I was brought up Lutheran. My daughter was baptized Lutheran. I grew up going to church every single Sunday with a Lutheran mom and a Catholic dad. Both of my parents are highly spiritual people. So am I.
But I just can’t get myself and daughter to church. I’m an Easter and Christmas gal. I go on those holidays because if I didn’t I would feel like a poser. I mean, how can I allow my daughter to enjoy Christmas gifts and chocolate Easter bunnies without recognizing the holiday in a religious fashion? I just wouldn’t be right.
As a parent I feel strongly it is my duty to expose my child to a religious framework that she can either accept or reject later in life. I say my duty, because my husband won’t touch religion with a ten foot pole. Thus far, I have failed. She asks questions…so many questions.
What happens when we die?
Is God a girl or a boy?
How do we know God is with us?
Can we see God?
Is God in our room right now?
And I have lots of answers. I explore each question with her. I let her know what I believe, but in the same breath I let her know that that many different beliefs exist.
I don’t go to church. Does that make me less spiritual? Less religious? Sometimes, yes. Many times, no.
I know many people who are not spiritual at all and go to church every Sunday – you know, go through the motions. I know moms who’ve shoved their kids in a special weekly night class so that they could get their first communion – even though the parents don’t go to church just because it’s the thing to do.
I can’t do that.
I’m not a “going through the motions” kind of gal. If I’m going to commit to attending church on a regular basis and drag my kid along, it better be something I am truly committed to, heart and soul.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it is that keeps me away. I think much of it has to do with the old fashioned delivery system. Go to service, sit and listen.
Dread.
I’m a conversationalist. I like to be challenged, not told. I appreciate flexible thinking and get excited about new discoveries.
But this is not what my experience has been.
Arrive. Sit. Listen. Go home.
And then… discover that those who lectured you in church can hardly practice what they preach.
Yes, the pastor who confirmed me had an affair with a member of the congregation. I soon after joked that my confirmation was null and void. Don’t worry, he is long gone. But it did leave me with questions…
Lot’s of questions. Not about him, but rather about life in general. I believe strongly that we don’t have it all figured out and that our thinking and practices need to evolve.
I could go on and on. And this is why I just can’t sit and listen.
I am spiritual. I am thoughtful. I am curious. I am good-hearted.
Is that enough for my daughter?
Do I need the four sacred walls and the scriptures?
I have not yet found my answer, but I am committed to figuring out with my daughter how we shall proceed.
She knows my distress concerning this. She was the one who wiped away the tear that suddenly danced down my cheek as she told me no one could play because everyone was having their first communion.
“Mom, whatever you think we need to do…I’ll do.”
Bless her heart.
Sunday.
White dresses.
Family gatherings.
For the past two weeks it seems like every second grader in our community was celebrating her first communion.
Not my daughter.
Concerning religion, I’ve been a lazy mom.
I was brought up Lutheran. My daughter was baptized Lutheran. I grew up going to church every single Sunday with a Lutheran mom and a Catholic dad. Both of my parents are highly spiritual people. So am I.
But I just can’t get myself and daughter to church. I’m an Easter and Christmas gal. I go on those holidays because if I didn’t I would feel like a poser. I mean, how can I allow my daughter to enjoy Christmas gifts and chocolate Easter bunnies without recognizing the holiday in a religious fashion? I just wouldn’t be right.
As a parent I feel strongly it is my duty to expose my child to a religious framework that she can either accept or reject later in life. I say my duty, because my husband won’t touch religion with a ten foot pole. Thus far, I have failed. She asks questions…so many questions.
What happens when we die?
Is God a girl or a boy?
How do we know God is with us?
Can we see God?
Is God in our room right now?
And I have lots of answers. I explore each question with her. I let her know what I believe, but in the same breath I let her know that that many different beliefs exist.
I don’t go to church. Does that make me less spiritual? Less religious? Sometimes, yes. Many times, no.
I know many people who are not spiritual at all and go to church every Sunday – you know, go through the motions. I know moms who’ve shoved their kids in a special weekly night class so that they could get their first communion – even though the parents don’t go to church just because it’s the thing to do.
I can’t do that.
I’m not a “going through the motions” kind of gal. If I’m going to commit to attending church on a regular basis and drag my kid along, it better be something I am truly committed to, heart and soul.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it is that keeps me away. I think much of it has to do with the old fashioned delivery system. Go to service, sit and listen.
Dread.
I’m a conversationalist. I like to be challenged, not told. I appreciate flexible thinking and get excited about new discoveries.
But this is not what my experience has been.
Arrive. Sit. Listen. Go home.
And then… discover that those who lectured you in church can hardly practice what they preach.
Yes, the pastor who confirmed me had an affair with a member of the congregation. I soon after joked that my confirmation was null and void. Don’t worry, he is long gone. But it did leave me with questions…
Lot’s of questions. Not about him, but rather about life in general. I believe strongly that we don’t have it all figured out and that our thinking and practices need to evolve.
I could go on and on. And this is why I just can’t sit and listen.
I am spiritual. I am thoughtful. I am curious. I am good-hearted.
Is that enough for my daughter?
Do I need the four sacred walls and the scriptures?
I have not yet found my answer, but I am committed to figuring out with my daughter how we shall proceed.
She knows my distress concerning this. She was the one who wiped away the tear that suddenly danced down my cheek as she told me no one could play because everyone was having their first communion.
“Mom, whatever you think we need to do…I’ll do.”
Bless her heart.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
THINK Inside the Box
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THINK outside the box.
You know, be creative, THINK outside of your normal realm of practice, take a risk, try something new, yadda, yadda, yadda.
But…
What about inside the box?
Do you ever hear your boss at a meeting say ‘THINK inside the box”? Yea, I didn’t think so.
THINKing outside the box is glamorized. It’s creative, smart, edgy. Sometimes rebellious, sometimes ahead of it’s time. It wears a leather jacket, red hair and cool sunglasses and says “Move over. I’m hip. I’m where it’s at.” You know it, because people believe they’re bad ass when they utter “THINK outside the box”.
And then there’s inside the box. Plain Jane. Standard. Square. Comfortable in its old sweater and comfy sneakers. Nothing glamorous about THINKing inside the box.
But…
Glamour isn’t everything.
Too often when something isn’t working, we have a tendency to step all the way outside of the box and start anew when in reality all that is needed is a little tweaking inside the box. Inside the box: What is working? What is good? What already has value? How can we rearrange, tinker with, and clean up the elements that already exist inside the box? In the process, what gem might we uncover? Ever find a $20 when you clean your closet out?
Sometimes we make problem solving too difficult and in searching for answers outside the box, we are missing the boat and overlooking a gem that may already be in our possession.
THINK about it.
THINK outside the box.
You know, be creative, THINK outside of your normal realm of practice, take a risk, try something new, yadda, yadda, yadda.
But…
What about inside the box?
Do you ever hear your boss at a meeting say ‘THINK inside the box”? Yea, I didn’t think so.
THINKing outside the box is glamorized. It’s creative, smart, edgy. Sometimes rebellious, sometimes ahead of it’s time. It wears a leather jacket, red hair and cool sunglasses and says “Move over. I’m hip. I’m where it’s at.” You know it, because people believe they’re bad ass when they utter “THINK outside the box”.
And then there’s inside the box. Plain Jane. Standard. Square. Comfortable in its old sweater and comfy sneakers. Nothing glamorous about THINKing inside the box.
But…
Glamour isn’t everything.
Too often when something isn’t working, we have a tendency to step all the way outside of the box and start anew when in reality all that is needed is a little tweaking inside the box. Inside the box: What is working? What is good? What already has value? How can we rearrange, tinker with, and clean up the elements that already exist inside the box? In the process, what gem might we uncover? Ever find a $20 when you clean your closet out?
Sometimes we make problem solving too difficult and in searching for answers outside the box, we are missing the boat and overlooking a gem that may already be in our possession.
THINK about it.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Quieting the Mind of My Highly Sensitive Child
I've got a highly intuitive and deep thinking child. Although a gift, right now it's her curse. She's had a difficult year, mainly due to her very intense teacher -- and she's only in the second grade! As a teacher myself I am deeply saddened that my child says "I'm stressed" at the end of the school day.
My child is incredibly receptive to the moods in a room, vibes one is giving off and all the sublte nuances of nonverbal languge. She's one of those kids that "get's it", but doesn't always know what to do with all of "it". However, as we all know, ignorance is bliss. Often times overwhelmed by all the "signals" and information she picks up on coupled with her perfectionistic ways, she has become quite the anxious child this school year.
Knowing what a tough year my daughter has experienced, one of my collegues suggested I read the book The Highly Sensitive Child. The book's title refers to those children that are "deeply reflective, sensitive to the sublte, and easily overwhelmed". A fabulous read, the book confirmed the need for parents to embrace these qualities and allow overly sensitive children to feel heard and to not make these children feel "foolish" or "shameful" of their overly sensitive ways. Highly aware of her sensitive nature, my child wishes she would not worry so much about "silly" things. Telling her that her worries are "silly" only makes matters worse.
In an attempt to help quiet my kid's body and mind at the day's end, we've begun to do both yoga and meditation. Although I am personally familiar with the healing effects of both activities, I am quite stunned at how well yoga and meditation have worked in helping to quiet my child's mind. The key in both of these activities is the refocusing of energy -- focusing on the here and now and not worrying about "what might be."
Her yoga lessons come from Exercise TV via On Demand. She loves yoga time. She gets all dressed up in exercise clothes, pulls out the yoga mat and has at it. Since she does the adult yoga lessons, they require a lot of concentration...and that's the secret. She is too busy focusing on the positions and her breathing (and sometimes laughing hysterically at the video) that she's not worrying at all about the progress she is making on her portfolio that is due in class. Yeah, did I say she was only in the second grade?
The other savior has been a fabulous little children's meditation book I found at Amazon.com. When it first arrived at our house I scanned the pages and was worried my daughter might end up laughing as I read the meditations to her. She has a great sense of humor and I feared her running with these meditations in the wrong way. However, she loves them as they were intended to be used. I read one to two each night and she just melts away to sleep. The meditations require the child to visualize what is being read and the refocsuing of the mind relaxes her instantly.
One of the meditations asks the meditator to pin any worries they may have on a "worry tree". Bless her soul, my daughter asked it we could make a worry tree from felt and hang it in her room. We settled, however, on a worry box. We've only use the box once so far, but once again I was shocked that it worked so well. I know if I wrote down my worries on a piece of paper and threw them in a box, I'd still have those worries. But the moment she put her worries in a box she said, "Okay, guess I don't have to worry about that anymore." Really? I guess for a child it can really work. She carried out the rest of evening free of worries.
Aside from being overly sensitive (just a portion of her personality), my child is a joyful, fun-loving and witty little soul who enjoys nothing more than a good laugh and the opportunity to be creative. When she is not worrying, she is so easy to be around and enjoys life to the fullest. I am truly honored to parent her and welcome the challenge of coaching my child on how to best cope with her highly sensitive nature so that she can lead a positive, productive and fulfilling life.
My child is incredibly receptive to the moods in a room, vibes one is giving off and all the sublte nuances of nonverbal languge. She's one of those kids that "get's it", but doesn't always know what to do with all of "it". However, as we all know, ignorance is bliss. Often times overwhelmed by all the "signals" and information she picks up on coupled with her perfectionistic ways, she has become quite the anxious child this school year.
Knowing what a tough year my daughter has experienced, one of my collegues suggested I read the book The Highly Sensitive Child. The book's title refers to those children that are "deeply reflective, sensitive to the sublte, and easily overwhelmed". A fabulous read, the book confirmed the need for parents to embrace these qualities and allow overly sensitive children to feel heard and to not make these children feel "foolish" or "shameful" of their overly sensitive ways. Highly aware of her sensitive nature, my child wishes she would not worry so much about "silly" things. Telling her that her worries are "silly" only makes matters worse.
In an attempt to help quiet my kid's body and mind at the day's end, we've begun to do both yoga and meditation. Although I am personally familiar with the healing effects of both activities, I am quite stunned at how well yoga and meditation have worked in helping to quiet my child's mind. The key in both of these activities is the refocusing of energy -- focusing on the here and now and not worrying about "what might be."
Her yoga lessons come from Exercise TV via On Demand. She loves yoga time. She gets all dressed up in exercise clothes, pulls out the yoga mat and has at it. Since she does the adult yoga lessons, they require a lot of concentration...and that's the secret. She is too busy focusing on the positions and her breathing (and sometimes laughing hysterically at the video) that she's not worrying at all about the progress she is making on her portfolio that is due in class. Yeah, did I say she was only in the second grade?
The other savior has been a fabulous little children's meditation book I found at Amazon.com. When it first arrived at our house I scanned the pages and was worried my daughter might end up laughing as I read the meditations to her. She has a great sense of humor and I feared her running with these meditations in the wrong way. However, she loves them as they were intended to be used. I read one to two each night and she just melts away to sleep. The meditations require the child to visualize what is being read and the refocsuing of the mind relaxes her instantly.
One of the meditations asks the meditator to pin any worries they may have on a "worry tree". Bless her soul, my daughter asked it we could make a worry tree from felt and hang it in her room. We settled, however, on a worry box. We've only use the box once so far, but once again I was shocked that it worked so well. I know if I wrote down my worries on a piece of paper and threw them in a box, I'd still have those worries. But the moment she put her worries in a box she said, "Okay, guess I don't have to worry about that anymore." Really? I guess for a child it can really work. She carried out the rest of evening free of worries.
Aside from being overly sensitive (just a portion of her personality), my child is a joyful, fun-loving and witty little soul who enjoys nothing more than a good laugh and the opportunity to be creative. When she is not worrying, she is so easy to be around and enjoys life to the fullest. I am truly honored to parent her and welcome the challenge of coaching my child on how to best cope with her highly sensitive nature so that she can lead a positive, productive and fulfilling life.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
How Times Have Changed.
My mother, who will be turning 70 years old this July, passed on to me this little book that used to be her mother's. Assuming that my mother was born a few years after my grandparents married, this book must have been published in the mid to late 1920's. It is a riot to read.
I've scanned one of my favorite pages. Oh Golly.
(click on image to read text)
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The Magic Powers of a Little Pot
I've been transformed by a little pot. No, not that kind of pot...a neti pot. Do you even know what one is? I didn't until last year. But appearantly there is a whole secret society of people who have known about the neti pot for years and have been reaping the benefits of this little wonder. Why it took me (the queen of sinus infections) so long to find out about this is beyond me.
The neti pot is, well...a pot. I use the one from the Himalyan Institute.
The purpose of the neti pot is to both irrigate and flush out the nasal passages. Sounds gross, I know. But if you suffer from chronic sinus infections and all your doctor offers you is antibiotics, you may want to read on.
Just like clockwork, my sinuses began to act up at the start of January (as they do every January). I remember somebody telling me about the neti pot and I began my research on it at 3:30 am on an early January morning because my sinus irritation wouldn't let me sleep. I read every page and watched every video on the Himalyan Institute's website. I was hooked. Not only could this potentially be an antibiotic-free solution to my sinus problems, it just made so much sense! Also, the neti pot, used daily can prevent illness from happening in the first place.
The very next morning I visted the new organic store in my area (they have a great website too) and I purchased a pot and some other funky homeopathic super-charged vitamins. I was feeling hopeful!
Fast forward two weeks. I can't sing the praises of the neti pot enough. It took me about a week to get over the sinus illness (about the same time as when I pop antibiotics), but my breathing was so much freeer and I experienced absolutely NO sinus pain -- a first for me! It is common for me to suffer through sinus and asthma issues all of January and February. I am feeling optimistic, however, that with the daily use of the neti pot I will stay healthy.
I cannot believe that my allergist and ear, nose, throat doctor never mentioned the neti pot as a solution. Well, I guess if I want to me a pessimist I can come up with a few reasons why it was never mentioned, but that is not like me. I am just thankful I learned about this ancient eastern practice and am excited to have an illness free winter!
The neti pot is, well...a pot. I use the one from the Himalyan Institute.
The purpose of the neti pot is to both irrigate and flush out the nasal passages. Sounds gross, I know. But if you suffer from chronic sinus infections and all your doctor offers you is antibiotics, you may want to read on.
Just like clockwork, my sinuses began to act up at the start of January (as they do every January). I remember somebody telling me about the neti pot and I began my research on it at 3:30 am on an early January morning because my sinus irritation wouldn't let me sleep. I read every page and watched every video on the Himalyan Institute's website. I was hooked. Not only could this potentially be an antibiotic-free solution to my sinus problems, it just made so much sense! Also, the neti pot, used daily can prevent illness from happening in the first place.
The very next morning I visted the new organic store in my area (they have a great website too) and I purchased a pot and some other funky homeopathic super-charged vitamins. I was feeling hopeful!
Fast forward two weeks. I can't sing the praises of the neti pot enough. It took me about a week to get over the sinus illness (about the same time as when I pop antibiotics), but my breathing was so much freeer and I experienced absolutely NO sinus pain -- a first for me! It is common for me to suffer through sinus and asthma issues all of January and February. I am feeling optimistic, however, that with the daily use of the neti pot I will stay healthy.
I cannot believe that my allergist and ear, nose, throat doctor never mentioned the neti pot as a solution. Well, I guess if I want to me a pessimist I can come up with a few reasons why it was never mentioned, but that is not like me. I am just thankful I learned about this ancient eastern practice and am excited to have an illness free winter!
